Ruth’s Recipe for 3lbs Weight Loss (Week 31)

Ingredients:

• 1 Ruth
• 1 exuberant Labrador
• 2 tumbling children
• Multiple cute guinea piglets and ostrich-like hens
• Good friends, good food, good wine
• 20 gallons of water
• 2 policemen
• Sweat and tears

1. Remove Ruth from store cupboard and place her on a freshly oiled train for 4 hours. On arrival in Devon, ferry her to rural idyll for relaxing weekend.
2. Send her on gentle 3 mile walk with dog and friends. Apply sprinkling of rain water as required.
3. Feed and water her and place in a dark room for seven hours. Then awaken with the chirrup of a mookoo clock and relish the string of swear words that ensue.
4. Expose to tree planting ceremony, persuade tumbling children that Ruth really will break if placed on trampoline, then take on extended walk ending with a faceful of holly and a field full of ankle-wrenching tussocks and cows with a wild glint in their eyes.
5. Return Ruth to store cupboard, placing her on slightly less well oiled train for another 4 hours.
6. Meanwhile, liberally apply water to store cupboard through bathroom and bedroom ceiling, ensuring that walls and floors are all evenly soaked. Check that laptop, books, papers and furniture are also properly drenched. Avoid wetting already traumatised cat.
7. Apply policemen forceably to front door of neighbour’s flat upstairs to cut off water supply once sufficient damage has been experienced.
8. Relocate Ruth plus cat to temporary store cupboard for 2-4 months enriched by maternal care.
9. Garnish with sweat, tears and exhaustion in equal measure and serve.

And that means the 3rd stone has finally left this mortal coil - certainly took it long enough! Graphs and pictures will return when hard drive recovered (keep your fingers crossed) and new digital camera USB cable acquired.